I am exhausted.
This made me realize how little joy I’ve been getting from being an admin. How I’ve come to resent the work I have volunteered to do. I’ve donated countless hours to running the instance, solving both technical and moderation problems, and I’ve always put the instance above my own needs. But I can’t put the instance above the needs of my family.
The server has also gotten too large and too complex for me to administer. I’ve always been keen to learn the next new skill I need to be an effective admin. But I just don’t have it in me anymore. The monitoring that I have in place is insufficient to solve the current problems and I have zero bandwidth to invest in learning the skills to diagnose and fix the issue.
This is why I only host things for myself and friends and family! Anything that's depended upon by a wider group needs to have a bigger group running it, I think. It's one of the strange things about open source software — it is easy to get things running, and so easy to end up running things in all too fragile a way.